


"I used to hate it when you called me that."

by sixbillionmothsfic



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-09 07:05:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13476261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixbillionmothsfic/pseuds/sixbillionmothsfic
Summary: Eddie asks Richie out to dinner one night. They stay back at a hotel in the city together and Richie becomes an emotionally disastered, bisexual crisis. They both drink some champagne (because alcohol in my fanfics is a staple, apparently). Events occur.





	1. "Want a drink?"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KookiemonsterV](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KookiemonsterV/gifts).



> Stephen King made me overthink this. I may take this down because it's a...disaster. They're aged up!! If you mention Finn or Jack I have Kill Bill Sirens ready! **Es, don't read this! I have better material!!**

_We begin outside a New York Hotel._

_Richie and Eddie are about twenty-three. It's 1999._

After dinner, they avoided eye contact all the way back to the hotel. What could be said? _I’m happy you survived trauma?_ They looked at each other a little too long and as far as Richie was concerned he might as well die. So instead he went with,

“I’m happy you’re here.” Richie started noticing every little detail of his shoes, but there’s no way he would look next to him. The air was thick.

“Me too.” Eddie smiled. They continued walking until running into the hotel entrance. Occasionally bumping shoulders and giving a little smile to each other. It felt like they were twelve again, but so much had changed since.

Not a word spoken in the elevator. Richie felt a rush of relief when he remembered booking them a double. The draft was making his palms sweat. He felt everyone watching. _Are we done with glass elevators yet? It’s 1999 for god sake._ He thought, feeling eyes on him. Just Eddie’s saucers, eyeing him up curiously.

“Are you okay?” Eddie had to ask. He fidgeted, but never this much—certainly not around him.

“Yeah, fine.” He didn’t know why he was so nervous. Nothing happened, nothing was going to happen. It was all _fine_. Honestly, though. He’d always felt something for Eddie. Even that sounded stupid to admit to himself, but it was there so why deny it. His feelings were complicated and he fell hard and this was true. For anyone really. Didn’t matter if it was Eddie or the woman he took out dancing last week. _People were complicated, who gave a shit who he_ … _slept with_ …he looked wide-eyed at those shoes until the thought vanished.

Eddie could tell something was up, “Rich, _are you okay_?”

“Of course!” Richie brushed the back of his neck quickly and forced himself to look at him. The concern in Eddie’s eyes—and his heart fell to his stomach.

The doors couldn’t open quickly enough and even though Richie didn’t think he could move, he found himself making a lazy attempt to do so. He didn’t know what happened between the elevator and the door, but they were there.

“Want a drink?” He made his way over to the drink cart that was apparently for every resident. _Damn this hotel room was nice_.

“Do we have champagne? We should celebrate the little reunion.” Eddie removed his scarf and hung it up on the hook in the closet.

After toying with the bottle for a bit, Richie couldn’t open it. Eddie had to and Richie just moved to his bed. Noticing he was off, Ed laid both flutes on the floor near there.

“Richie, what’s wrong with you?” Sitting down, he placed a hand on his friend’s back.

“I need—I need to talk to you.” Richie had his head in his hands.

Eddie could see him shake. “I know, Rich. What the fuck is going on?” This was the most endearing thing he said all day. He made sure to place a hand on the back of his head, kneading through his curls to get some stability. Richie was never stoic in panic attacks, but Eddie was proud of himself for remembering.

“Nobody should care, you know?” It took him a while to say something, but that’s all it was.

“I know.” He wasn’t going to pry.

“And I’m not talking about how my parents don’t care. God, I haven’t seen those assholes in years…and they shouldn’t.”

“I know.” Richie lifted his chin. Progress.

“I want to talk, but I fucking can’t. Everyone expects something. I’ve never been the type who anybody expects any shit from. And I just—wish I could tell you.” Richie looked up confused as Eddie ducked down, grabbing one of those flutes from the floor. Some champagne spilled on the carpet.

“Drink it.” Eddie was goading, but with all the shit going on in his head. He took it.

“Thanks.” Richie felt Eddie’s palm return to his back.

“You’ll be okay. Whatever it is. You know you can talk. So talk to me?”

Rich felt his eyes sting. “You know how…how we were always so close when we were younger?”

“Mhm. I remember.”

“Well I constantly made those jokes to feel better about a lot of things. I liked that I could make you laugh. I like making people laugh Eddie, but I liked making you laugh more. Maybe to bring us both out of shit, or maybe I was being selfish.” Richie started to shake again.

“Why was that selfish?” He pressed Richie’s hands down into the bed to calm him down.

Richie took a breath. “I—I liked you. I don’t know why I just liked you. I liked how I felt when I was around you. I liked that I was nervous. Even now. Well, this feels like _hell_ —” Eddie took a second to laugh.

“I know it does, Rich. It was hell for me too.” He pressed down even harder. Richie was almost a wreck, but that was fine. Curls were brushing his mouth then. Richie’s head lay on his shoulder.

“What?” He whispered.

“All this—figuring shit out. It’s not why I asked you to dinner but I did want to…see you. I missed you. I liked you. I liked having you in my life too. I liked having you there and then you weren’t.”

Tears falling down his cheeks, he whispered, “I know.”

“And you never…left me alone…” Eddie’s voice trailed off as he moved his hands away from Richie’s and guided his eyes forward. Towards him. 

They were looking at each other. Looking at each other for a long time.

“But we’re not…” Eddie broke the silence. Looking.

“No, no…” Still looking.

“ _Fuck it_.” Eddie leaned up, kissing him. Kept arms around his neck for what seemed like forever. Richie didn’t lean away or stop him—he wasn’t stupid enough to, and kissed him back. He leaned back on the headboard and kicked off his shoes as Eddie did the same. And that was the longest they broke apart. Eddie, only to tear aside Richie’s glasses and kiss him again. Even like this, they were still ridiculous.

Eddie couldn’t help but laugh while kissing him, and Richie drew back. They brought each other to their knees at this point, clumsily wrapped hands around waists. Richie led his hands up to cradle Eddie’s face, “What is it?”

“I’m so fucking happy.” 

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” Richie laughed, weaving his hands through Eddie’s hair, tilting his neck up for another, deeper kiss.

Eddie let himself into him before, “You can’t even see me—”

“—Shut up—” And that was it. Richie had him. They decided not to strip completely. Rather, laid there kissing in their underwear until they couldn’t ignore it anymore. And God, for all his talk of it Richie was a fantastic kisser. Or maybe Eddie didn’t know what the fuck to do. But he knew he loved it. And wanted it.

God this was weird.  
But he knew he loved it.

Richie had so many experiences that didn’t matter like this one did. This was Eddie. Richie almost couldn’t keep up with himself. He wanted to turn him on. He wanted to remember everything. The color of Eddie’s eyes. The tears, those that Eddie kept wiping away from his own because he was so fucking happy too. He studied every bit, like the best high of his life. His smile, the way their lips met over and over and over. Rocking and keeping. Pressed tightly together. 

Eddie wouldn’t let him go. He’d never felt like this. Richie broke for a moment, kissing his neck and this kept him deeper in whatever the hell this feeling was—both wanting to get closer and be more than what they were.

Richie knew he was too lost in it himself to give a shit, but he recalled, in between kisses,

“Are you—alright—we can slow down if—” A longer kiss cut him off.

Eddie caught his breath, “Rich, I don’t—”

“—the germ thing—” This sounded idiotic _considering they were almost naked_.

“ _Please_.” Eddie whispered, in contact with Richie’s jawline. He let on more certain than he felt, but it sounded sexy. It let Richie back in. Once he saw that worked, it echoed on repeat between his lips. The kisses became longer and both men struggled with control.

Until Eddie relaxed. Richie could see that in his eyes, breaking away to hook his lips with his thumb. He stayed there for a moment. He’d never seen Eddie like this. He must’ve been panicking but he looked so. _Eager_.

Richie was on his knees again. Eddie froze slightly.

“Hey—hey.” Noticing the panic, Richie came down and gripped his face, “We don’t have to go there unless you want to. Just breathe.”

Eddie took a few deep breaths and kept his eyes up, “I’m—I really fucking want to.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Richie could tell he wanted to consent. They wanted each other desperately, needed each other. Suddenly, Eddie pressed himself in contact with his jawline again—and then—

“ _Please_. _Yes_.” Eddie kept saying it. Richie was overwhelmed. They were both so _into_ each other the fear wouldn’t stop them. They were kissing again. Like an interlude. Eddie let himself melt. They could be locked there.

After more than a while, they came apart. Still gazing at each other, Eddie traced Richie’s lips this time. To ease Eddie in, Richie made sure to trap his index and middle between his lips. Eddie’s breath hitched and he leaned into Richie’s forehead. Richie released them, and kept his eyes forward to calm Eddie down. He was breathing a bit faster, but he seemed okay. He closed his eyes.

“Just look at me. Eyes on me. You’re safe.” Richie closed his eyes and smiled as he said it. _He was keeping someone safe. Someone he loved safe._

Eddie looked straight into his eyes and kissed him again. He wondered if he could be lovesick.

Eddie breathing became deeper, more nervous. Richie was slowly working to remove Eddie’s underwear first. Richie’s voice called him back,

“Just look at me. You’re safe.” Eddie felt himself do that. Fall against him. This felt, incredible, to trust him so much. He found himself taking deeper breaths, trying not to let on. Making fumbling contact with his face, tracing his cheek, lips. Something to keep him grounded.

Getting this public in private was the last thing he expected, honestly. It was terrifying, but it felt. Beautiful. Richie keeping him so vulnerable. This felt like, what he should be doing. The panic faded away and Richie reassured him that he was safe. That he wasn’t going anywhere. 

“Are you okay?” Richie stripped the rest of him. They locked eyes. He was naked now. And sensing how vulnerable he was,

“I hope so.” Richie made sure to stay close so his body language didn’t make Eddie hesitate.

“You’re okay. You’re so fucking beautiful.” Richie was warm about it, it made Eddie want to stay here like this even more.

Eddie made a concentrated effort not to lose his mind as Richie stripped too. There was no avoiding it; something shifted. Everything became so heavy. He didn’t feel ashamed or anything else.

There was a rhythm. Wanting each other was something else.  
Wanting each other like this was something else.  
They didn’t know if they would ever stop.

 _Whatever this was, it wasn’t going away_. Richie couldn’t think. Eddie’s consent—he started whispering now as things escalated. That made their world a little smaller. Richie didn’t know what the fuck to do. He was absolutely gone. Eddie pulled him close and they connected again.

The vulnerability didn’t matter. Every time they took a moment from the sex, it was incredible too. They would whisper small things in the other’s ear. Laugh. Eddie looked beautiful. _Richie didn’t lie_. He was curious, moving his hands anywhere he could reach. Along his face, the curve of his back—Eddie had a lazy air about him, which was _hot_ , but also torture. Eddie smiled because he knew what the hell he was doing to Richie. He still had it. It wouldn’t leave Richie alone. _Fucking Eddie_. Richie pressed his hands into Eddie’s shallow chest and smiled too.

Richie wanted to be close. He wanted to feel him too, but his was more in small gestures. He went slow, but wanted him to know that it was good. This was good. He was sweet. laying there. Interlocking his fingers with his own, guiding his waist. Teasing him. Every time he got past something with Eddie that used to be awful, he could feel him relax through it. And a kiss. Habit, but fun. Intimacy was a whole different animal.

They only fell asleep for a few hours, but Richie rose first. He found himself surrounded by Eddie’s arm. The one that used to be broken, and guided his palm down to his eye line. The scar was still there. He felt his palm and eagerly kissed his stomach.

Eddie rose a few minutes later with a faint but satisfied, “Hi,” and smiled. He gently moved his other hand across Richie’s forehead, pushing the curls from his eyes.

Richie anchored himself over Eddie, brushing his hair the same way, smiling, “Hi.” The closeness convinced them this was real.

They stayed a while longer. Eddie picked it up because of course he did and it was amazing how light they both felt as early morning light shone through the window.

At some point, he didn’t know when, Eddie whispered,

“Tozier?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” Eddie mocked, smiling.

Richie returned it, touching Eddie’s lips again.

“Eddie?”

“I really fucking like you, Eds.”

“You know, I used to hate it when you called me that.” Richie smiled and kissed him again, striking a match to his cigarette.


	2. “You’re a cliché.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie and Eddie get stifled in this hotel room, trying to figure themselves out. Eddie distracts himself. They have nowhere to go, but a lot to say. (Emotion driven dialogue kills me, and they ruin me here. Enjoy or not.)

“So what happens now?” Richie said, blowing out the smoke.

“You’re a cliché.” 

“Hey. I’m serious! What did we do?” He looked down at Eddie again.

Eddie smiled, “We ruined something good.” 

“You can’t call what you had with Myra good…you’re clearly not happy.” Richie hesitated before adding another, “Clearly.”

Eddie kept his gaze forward, as if Richie’s eyes would burn through him. “Richie…”

“What? Eddie, I saw you naked I think I can say these things.” He put his cigarette out beside him.

“It’s…more complicated than that. She’s been there and she loves me and I can’t—”

“—You’re torturing yourself.” 

“Fuck,” He rubbed his eyes and leaned into Riche’s shoulder.

“Hey, listen. Listen,” Richie ran his hands through Eddie’s hair and over his ear, “I know how you think you’re supposed to feel about last night, but you were so happy. What is it?”

“I feel like I didn’t deserve to have that with you. I left her to come here. I left her, and cheated with you. What the fuck was I thinking?”

“That you had to. That you were unhappy.”

Eddie sighed, “Fair.”

“You’re happy now?”

“I think so. Is that what this is?” 

Richie eyed him carefully, “Looked like it last night.”

Eddie, pushing his face away with a smile, “Shut up.”

Ed leaned up to kiss him, forgetting how happy that made him. 

Sensing that he didn’t want to leave this, Richie smiled down into another one. They stared for too long. Until Eddie tried to kiss him again and—

“Ah!” Richie smiled, avoiding him. 

“Fuck you.” And smiled too.

He laughed, “Not yet!” 

Eddie moved in front of him, propped up on his knees again, “C’mon, we only have so much time…”

“We have as much time as we need. Eddie, it’s okay.”

“What?” Eddie moved his hands back up Richie’s knees, taking a pause from getting too close.

Richie leaned forward to balance his forehead on Eddie’s, “You don’t believe me.”

Eddie could feel his voice start to shake, “What? No. That was just—”

“—Good sex?” Richie pushed the hair out of Ed’s eyes again. 

“No. Well yes…but I’m trying to figure all of this out. Talk to me.”

“About what?”

“Last night. Tell me, shit, I don’t know.” He placed his head in his hands.

“Hey, hey.” Richie traced the back of Eddie’s neck with his fingertips until he would look at him again, “I didn’t plan that. I didn’t use you. I’ve used a lot of people, but that was different. I felt safe with you. And if you think it was a mistake, then I’m sorry. It’ll be hell to get over you, but I can do it. You just have to tell me.”

“Tell me not to go, Rich.” Eddie interrupted.

“What?”

On the verge of tears, “Tell me not to go back to her.”

“I-I can’t tell you what to do here.” Taking his hand, “If it’s what you want, you just have to tell me. I can take what I have and head down those stairs. And I can leave.”

“Stay here.” He kissed the arch of his hand.

“Eddie, I’m not go—”

“I don’t want you to get over me.” And with that Eddie had him again. This was as honest as he could have been with anyone. 

Richie was kissing him immediately. Fingers through Eddie’s thick brunette mess, even messier now that he started crying. But Richie knew to wipe away his tears, instead kissing his cheekbones. With each one, Eddie let out a soft breath. A little nervous from the contact.

A tear clung to Richie’s lip, “Okay?”

“…Yeah.” Eddie whispered. He wasn’t even looking in his eyes, just biting his lip. Wanting to lose himself again. And he did, pulling up Richie’s shirt, tracing the skin underneath with his fingertips. A habit for both of them. 

They couldn’t stop or they didn’t want to stop, neither wanted to tell. It was too new, too incredible for them both. Richie melted into him again, feeling the heat between them. He held him up on his knees before he knew what he was doing. And so, after a moment Eddie gave in and folded towards him.

They couldn’t stop. But there was a weakness here. They wanted so much for it to mirror the night before. Hot and heavy and desperate, stupid, all of it. Eddie kept moving in on him to get closer and closer, almost sure Richie would disappear.

Richie placed his hand in the small of his back, encouraging this. He missed this. He still didn’t know what this was, but it wasn’t going away. It wasn’t going away. He couldn’t think and Eddie balanced there, vaguely tracing different arches in his back to keep him going. There were moments he would forget what his body was doing. His hands going wherever they did, trying to keep Eddie close and kissing him.

And this was different. Without the desperation of the night before they felt like they could take it even slower. Or maybe Eddie did. Richie didn’t care, this felt incredible. But something stuck. 

Eddie would barely let him breathe, and he guessed the lightheadedness was another way to ground him here. Keep him kissing, he didn’t blame Eddie for wanting to love him, but they needed to talk. But he loved it. There was this constant push in his head, and soon he lost himself to how close this felt. 

“Please.” Eddie whispered it on the tip of his jaw, smiling knowing he was distracted. Richie saw that he wanted it, he didn’t have to convince him anything. And gave in, that would get him every time.

The distance between them was too much still, but they were both too tired to do anything other than keep kissing. Soon, Richie fell back and Eddie was guiding his hands across his back and down his hips. 

“What are you—” Eddie cut him off with a hard kiss. Richie was dazed and smiled into it. It felt wrong, but they couldn’t stop. Eddie would only get more and more intense, slower. Richie sweat through the clothes he was barely wearing now. He felt even more ridiculous than he probably looked, wanting him more than ever. Richie didn’t know how he could stand this. He was the distraction, but Eddie was so hot and careful and caring that he just let him go. 

“Please—” Eddie could stand to drive him crazy. He just went. As if this would be the last time, and Richie gave into his confusion and let him in. More than he should have, really. Eddie was crying again, struggling to hold Richie’s neck so he could kiss him.

Richie broke from him, staying close and speaking into his jawline, “Are you okay?”

In response Eddie moved to kiss his cheekbone, “Yes.”

Richie traced his thumb over Eddie’s jaw to slow him down, but that only seemed to encourage him. Like he was giving him permission. One more kiss, it would never end. Richie cradled his face, concerned but maybe this was what he needed. He tried to rationalize the heaviness of Eddie’s breath on his lips as they kept on. He was desperate, depressed maybe. 

After a while things became sadder, and Eddie stopped trying. It would almost not have been worth it, Richie made sure to keep him from getting too upset before they started again. And they would have, he was sure. Richie wanted to, he completely wanted to. That wasn’t what bothered him. Eddie seemed so upset, using him like an addict this time around.

Richie still wanted to be close, but he couldn’t do it anymore. It was more than he could tell—he just wanted some time. Not sex, not a distraction. Just to be right there with him, he’d never done that before. But Eddie might’ve gotten the wrong idea. He was distant now.

They sat on the bed as they had the night before. Richie against the headboard, Eddie opposite him. But he wouldn’t look at him. Like now that they weren’t kissing something was wrong. Richie didn’t want to be an ass and compliment himself. 

Breaking the silence Richie whispered, “It’s okay.” He took Eddie’s jaw in his hands again. He could feel Eddie lean in as he closed his eyes. Eddie kissed his palm.

“No, it’s not. I’m fucked up,” He could tell Eddie was nervous, now Richie wasn’t letting him in anymore, “just let me have this, have you. Please?” 

He ran his hands through Richie’s curls and Richie took a breath, “Not until we talk. I would love to do this with you, but not until we talk. You have to tell me what’s going on. I know I was a mess last night, and I know I went about this badly because you don’t deserve to be crying. You don’t deserve to be upset. And—”

“—last night isn’t why I’m upset. I’m not even upset.” He whispered towards his knees. 

“But you’re lying to me to get me in—”

“I didn’t think this could happen. I didn’t think I would ever let myself do that, be that intimate with anyone. Much less you and now you’ll eventually leave this room and have whatever you have with someone else who isn’t me and…I can’t fucking stand that. I don’t want you to get over me, Rich. I want to be able…to…have you. Because you’re so much to me and I didn’t know.” 

“You didn’t…know?” He wiped a tear from the right side of Eddie’s face and dragged his fingers back through his curls. 

“I didn’t ever think about it because I knew I couldn’t. And last night I just fell into it. And you had me and you were so careful and so lovely and I don’t think I can have that with anyone else. You’re It for me. Do you know how fucking terrifying that is? I can’t find anyone else. I won’t do that to myself.” Eddie let out a stifled cry and sat there for a moment. He pressed his eyelids with his fingertips. In his underwear, this was more than he expected to say. Especially in his underwear. 

Richie paused for a moment and crawled over close to Eddie, fumbling his way in between his knees. Eddie smiled, Richie got close again and took a long kiss on his cheek, “Hear me out? Before you start getting all ridiculous.” Eddie nodded. 

“I’m not going to leave you. You know all I’ve ever wanted since we were kids was to be around you. I liked being around you. You were the person that I liked to make happy and I’m not going to leave here for some lesser person who thinks that they can be better in bed. Sure, I’ve been with a lot of people, but most of the time I didn’t know what I was doing! That was getting off because I could, this is different. This is me being with someone I didn’t know I needed. You were safe and I kept you safe. You let your guard down for me and that’s incredible. Yes, I was tipsy, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t feel everything and maybe we took it too fast but I don’t want to leave you alone. You mean so much to me and you always have. Last night you drove me crazy and I am so into you. I can’t think of those other people. I don’t remember those other people. You did something to me. You kissed me until I couldn’t think and I gave into you because you kept me safe too. You make me so happy. And you’re so fucking beautiful and—” 

He took pause and noticed that Eddie was dazed, looking at him just lovesick and teary. His right thumb rocking along Richie’s chin until he couldn’t concentrate. He tried to continue, smiling, “And you make me so…um…come h—” And Eddie kissed him hard, his arms tracing every neglected part of him. Richie held him there for a long time, longer than he probably should’ve, but he felt so much. So much. He fell for it again, but he wasn’t complaining. 

Ed let go, brushing hair out his eyes, Richie breathed into his ear once he could, “—love you.”

Eddie brought himself out of it, “What? You love me?” 

Richie didn’t catch himself, “What?”

Eddie broke into a small smile and ran his fingers through Richie’s hair again, “You just said you love me, Rich.”

“That wasn’t. That was supposed to. I’m—” Richie tried to stare away from his eyes. 

“It’s okay, I love you too. So fucking much.” Eddie laughed softly and could feel himself falling apart. 

“Good.” And he let go again. Eddie absolutely had him.


End file.
